Pushing It to the Limit

I tend to push things as far as I can, I’ve observed about myself.  I never realized it while I was doing it, but in retrospect, I feel that is, indeed, what I’ve set a pattern of doing my whole life.  In junior high through mid-high school, what started out as a flattering emulation of my older sister, who loved sports and put everything into them, turned not only into an unwavering love for them myself, but a single-minded, completely focused on becoming a better athlete, lifestyle.  I’d think about them during class time, draw (really poor) doodles revolving around them, put absolutely everything into practice times, and pursue every extra second of time with ball handling skills or refining my shooting technique.  I’d watch games of professionals and college athletes, always hoping to be like them one day, and re-watch tapes of my own games as well, always hoping to break down things I’d done wrong and could use some work on.

By college, I was mentally DONE with sports, burnt out to the point that it made me sick to even think about them.  I probably owe an apology to the coach who offered me a scholarship, since I was totally NOT mentally there during practices, trips, and games.  But, I’ve realized, again in retrospect, that there was something I pushed to the  limits while I was in college as well.  I was sort of worried at the time that it’d stick with me the rest of my life, and now that I can safely look back and see it as encompassing just a tiny section of my younger years, I am so relieved and happy!  Whew!   Maybe you’ve already guessed what my vice was: partying it up.  Not partying so hard to the point of drug use, but drinking and going out seemed to be all I lived for.  It was fun at the time, but now I see it as just another example of me pushing things to the extreme.  During college, I was simultaneously trying to get into a graduate program, and now I’m so glad I wasn’t fully focused on that seemingly better idea, because I didn’t make it in, and if I had, I’d have more student loan debt, may not have met my husband and had our baby by now, and definitely would not have been able to stay at home with the little cutie, maybe ever, with all the years I would have spent investing in an advanced education.  Thereby, slowing down the process of me learning so much more about myself by being allowed to stay at home, realizing it’s what I’m meant for, that it allowed me to live a slower and less stressful lifestyle, that in turn gives me opportunities to gain insights and revelations I never was able to conquer, or even imagine, while I was busy working fulltime (before the baby) at a job I hated, just to make money to pay off the debt.  I’m also glad I spent those years mainly sitting in bars or at parties because it allows me insight into the bar-goer type mentality that some more prudent type people are not blessed with.  Some people assume that drinkers and partiers are terrible people, that they are out for no good.  Well, they’re not terrible.   They’re usually very friendly, in fact.  They’re just trying to have fun, and this is the best they’ve come up with so far.  Many, consciously or subconsciously, are really just looking for a mate or company, be it for the night or forever.  I feel that people are just scared of the unknown and make assumptions of the unknown, which I’ve been guilty of myself in my lifetime.

After college, I pushed my personal finance situation as far as I could.  As I’ve written before, we worked hard for about 4 years to pay off all our debts.  Even though my second job paid way less and was only a few extra hours a week, I refused to quit it, and immersed myself during those hours in industrial cleaning, scrubbing public toilets and taking out trash.  I also took classes to learn how to do taxes so we could save money on tax preparation year after year.  It made for a busy fall one season, but it was sure worth it.  Now I can relax and enjoy more time off to spend with my family since we are debt free, or as the wise Dave Ramsey phrases it, we lived like no one else (would) so we can live like no one else (can) now!  But as I wrote earlier in a separate post, my mind set sometimes stay stuck in that financially go-getting attitude, and I can’t help but calculate how much extra money we’d be saving if I worked.

Now, I’ve found a sort-of new passion in writing, and I hope I’m meant to push this to its limits as well.  I’ve always felt a need to help people, not physically like nursing job, that would be disgusting, but with attitudes, mentality and psychologically.  Writing has always come easy to me, as did most subjects, but I always thought I didn’t like it, but now I realize that it was just because I only wrote for assignments, only rarely did I have anything so strongly on my mind that I wrote from the heart.  Now I’m seeing that writing can be the method I can use to help people with their understandings of the world, or just entertain them in a positive way, and I’m loving it.  I’ve started my blog, after much consideration, and I apologize it’s not on any one subject, and my seem to be random ramblings, but I’m freely writing what’s flowing out of me and what happens to be in my mind and my heart, and I know I need practice and want to gain any feedback.  I hope  that you’ll enjoy my journey with me wherever it goes!

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